Navigating Sticky Situations:Wedding Edition. Who Should/Shouldn’t We Invite to Our Wedding?

advice, Lifestyle, wedding

Comin’ atcha with some wedding realness today, y’all. Believe me- this post has not been sugar coated whatsoever…so buckle up, buds…because…you’re here for it.

As most of you know, I am getting married in the fall of this year. Through this process, however, I have realized the following…

Wedding planning is not always sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows…the movies have got us played, guys. In fact, weddings illicit COUNTLESS emotions…some beautiful…some incredibly ugly. This process has also made me think, “if I am not jumping for joy, beaming with happiness every second of the planning process…

Is there something wrong with me”!?

Am I ungrateful?

Am I just ‘too emotional’?

Am I a ‘bridezilla’ for being particular?

Are my feelings valid?

Why do I feel guilty for having any negative feelings during this joyous time?

I know that most brides-to-be have struggled during the planning process- at some point- with an array of issues. I also feel that this is RARELY discussed…

Which leads me to my current project:

…addressing the not-so-glamorous aspects of planning a wedding….

Today we’re starting with: Invitations: who should/shouldn’t I invite to my wedding?

One reader wrote the following message:

“Hi Katie, we are getting married in December and have been struggling with our guest list. It seems like we’re offending EVERYONE with who we are/are not inviting. There are also a few people that we feel obligated to invite- but don’t want to, because they haven’t been there for us. Should we just invite them to avoid drama? Do you have any advice on where to draw the line? Or are there any ways to simplify making a guest list? Thank you”!

My response: In short- yes I do.

But please understand, although I am genuinely flattered that readers feel comfortable asking for my input… I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL wedding planner.  This is simply my personal advice, and what has worked for us. Take it as you will.

Here are my top 3 tips for simplifying your guest list:

  1. Don’t (for the love of God) invite ANYONE to your wedding who doesn’t actually support you.

This sounds pretty stupid and like basic common sense, right?

WRONG.

Trust me, as you plan your wedding there WILL BE people you feel obligated to invite, and wonder if you should, just to ‘keep the peace’. These individuals could be anyone. A second cousin, a co-worker, a neighbor…it could even be an estranged parent or sibling. These are people that you feel HAVE to be invited, but for a valid reason, you don’t feel comfortable doing so. And honey, I am here to tell you that…

YOU DON’T HAVE TO INVITE THEM…(if you’re eye-rolling…just hear me out.)

Seriously. You heard me correctly. YOU DON’T HAVE TO INVITE PEOPLE THAT DON’T SUPPORT YOU, TO YOUR OWN WEDDING.  It can be that simple. This is YOUR  wedding. Ain’t nobody got time for haters- especially on their freaking wedding day. *Ahem* see complicated diagram below for assistance.

See? Easy peesy-amiright?…(OK, OK…I know it’s far more complicated than that…keep reading though…I got you.)

Folks, it is incredibly empowering to set boundaries, and stop doing things just to appease others. Making decisions regarding your wedding is the perfect opportunity to do this. Setting a standard of complete joy for your wedding day is OK. Eliminating people from your list who don’t fit that standard is OK. If people do not truly love, support, and wish you well…why in the HELL would you invite them to come to your wedding and nitpick, rather than support? Planning your special day takes an incredible amount of thought, time, money, and energy. Why waste it on someone who is unfit?

Will there be backlash for this decision? Most likely. And guess what? That’s OK, too. If you do make some tough cuts to your list…be prepared that these choices will probably be met with hostility (duh). Also…know that choosing not to invite someone to your wedding could end the relationship. Ultimately, if it was a toxic relationship to begin with- they are the only ones missing out, and a falling out was inevitable. Weddings are often the catalyst which make valuable relationships stronger, and weeds out the weak ones.  (I’ll bet you didn’t know Darwinism applied to wedding planning, did ya?)

One more thing, seriously… listen up. Please don’t take this ‘cutting down your guest list’ suggestion to the extreme. I am NOT advocating that you run around like a 5 year old child with scissors, shredding up your guest list. AKA don’t cut your aunt Agnes who you just ‘don’t like’ because she smells funny. You need to keep her on the list, cuts are ONLY MADE for valid reasons.

For the sake of humor, here are a few hilarious examples of people who you are definitely not ‘obligated’ to invite to your wedding. These are the types of peeps who should only be allowed to creep on your wedding photos…via facebook…

enjoy…

  • That step sibling who has never congratulated you on your engagement or met your significant other ?…NOT INVITED.

  • That cousin who hasn’t talked to you in years, and upon your engagement reaches out- only to sell you insurance?…NOT INVITED.

  • That ‘friend’ who stalks you on social media- only to talk poorly on your behalf?…NOT INVITED.

  • Your sister’s boyfriend who you aren’t a fan of? NOT INVITED….OK, OKKK if your sister is IN your wedding…you probably havvve to invite her significant other… edit: BARELY INVITED*.

So there you have it, friends. My #1 rule…so simple in theory…yet so difficult in practice. Please know that YOUR UNION IS WORTH CELEBRATING. Be bold when deciding whom you allow into your lives together. Bad company corrupts good character, and you are royalty, my loves. Remember this always, and surround yourself accordingly. 

**Side note: If you need even more clarification on people who don’t deserve an invite to your big day…keep scrolling until you find my post titled “Pay Attention to Those Who Don’t Clap When You Win”. You should be good to go after that.

WHEW…that was long…onward!

 

2. Start with your “MUSTS” when creating your list.

My fiance and I began putting our guest list together- in separate rooms. He made a list of his ‘absolutely have to invite’ guests, and I did the same. We then came together, and the early stages of our list was complete! Each partner is the expert on his or her own family/friends. Starting off this way (separately creating a list) was super helpful for us.

Starting your guest list is daunting- to say the least. By having a base of ‘musts’ you have painlessly gotten the ball rolling. Follow up by spending a few minutes a night (for about a week) and VOILA! You will have a guest list! It is not that overwhelming once you just begin…

…now tracking down addresses/getting people to RSVP? ….that’s another story…. 😉

 

3. If on the fence about inviting a guest- think big picture.

If you’re vacillating between inviting/not inviting someone, think about what type of relationship you foresee having with this person in years to come. Meaning: do you see this person playing a role in your future? If yes, absolutely invite them. If not, I think you know what to do.

Be warned, however. As I stated earlier, weddings can either make or break relationships, so be thoughtful when making these weighty decisions. Once again, check out my super helpful decision making diagram below:

 

SO there you have it. That was a LONG post, and I am out of breath.

If you made it to the end, you are a rockstar. I hope this helped anyone who wrote in with guest list questions. Next week we will be addressing ways to ball out- on a budget…wedding style. You’re going to love it. If you can dream it- you can do it. There is always a way to get a high end look- for less, and Ima help you do it, fam.

For future wedding posts, please continue to submit questions or personal experiences to katiewritesblog@gmail.com so they can be addressed soon!

Finally, I need to give a major shout out to my fiance, mom, future mother in law, sister, and bff. They are the glue that keeps me together, and I am infinitely blessed to be surrounded by so much love.

Ta ta for now….

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A Dreamy Summer Bridal Shower

beauty, eats, Lifestyle, wedding

Hi Friends,

So many showers lately- amiright?

I bet everyone reading this has been to at least one or two showers within the past few months. It’s wedding season,…baby season,…wait is that a thing!?..probz not…

…Anyway, my lovely aunt and cousins threw us the most gorgeous wedding shower. I am going to take the easy route on this post…and let the pictures do the talkin’ …enjoy!

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…Seriously….the day was a dream (I wasn’t lying, pictures = proof!!!).

Friends and family joined us from near and far. It was so humbling to be surrounded by those who love and truly support us. Every single detail was perfection. We cannot believe that our wedding is less than 100 days away!

This post leads me into a wedding mini-series that I have been working on, and will be releasing next week.  I have connected with many brides to help write this piece, and am thrilled to share it with you soon. Essentially… it navigates various ‘sticky situations’ that can occur during the wedding planning process, and how to handle them.

…wedding planning… AIN’T. EASY. Y’ALL.

Whether you are planning a wedding or not…this relatable series is sure to have you giggling,…eye rolling,…and possibly even tearing up, too. Wedding planning brings out alllll types of emotions and behaviors.

Ultimately: no matter what you do,… or how contentious you are of one’s feelings,…. someone is going to get offended by your choices.

…And *spoiler alert* THAT’S OK.

For those of you who have submitted an email sharing your ‘sticky’ wedding situation, thank you! For those of you who haven’t… please do. Your privacy is completely respected, and up to your discretion when sharing your story.

Feel free to email me directly at katiewritesblog@gmail.com if you have a sticky situation to share. Get ready for some serious tea to be spilled, my loves…

Real talk ahead…stay tuned.

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Our Engagement Session!

wedding

Hi Friends,

I am going to keep the text for this post short and sweet. I’ll let the pictures do the talkin’.  We had our engagement session in Fells Point, Maryland. It was incredible how well they captured our love for each other.  We cannot wait to be married next fall. Enjoy!

 

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Thank you for scrolling through!

I’m engaged!!!! How it happened.

wedding

engaged. fiance. wedding. marriage. ring. venue. cake. dress. budget. AHHH….  so. many. words….all spinning around in my head!

 

 

Although we have been engaged for about two months now, I still am not used to using these words to describe my life. Getting engaged is such a happy and magical thing, but it does take your brain a little while to adjust to this surreal feeling…please tell me I am not alone…!

Let’s dive into the good stuff. Our beautiful engagement story begins with a memorable drive home. It was a Friday, and I’ll be honest,…although excited for the weekend,… I was tired, crabby, sweating, and HANGRY. My 45 minute commute had fully gotten the best of me, and I was less than pleasant… if we’re putting it lightly. I called my (now) fiance…yep, still feels weird saying that…on the phone, to complain about all of the above things. He sounded flustered, but I didn’t think much of it, because I was being an irritating pain.

After 1.5 hours of sitting in traffic, above irritations had turned into full blown rage. I stormed up the stairs to our apartment, opened the door, and was greeted by my sweet man on one knee holding flowers, along with the most beautiful ring I had ever seen.  Nerves and joy spread across his face as he said, “Katie, will you marry me”? My jaw dropped, I was stunned, and my mood was instantly changed. I was seriously in full shock mode, I barely even squeaked out a ‘Yes’! *Side note: This ‘shock reaction’ phenomenon amazes me. We have lived together for a few years, tell each other everything, have thoroughly talked about getting married…how then, does a proposal illicit such a stunned reaction? This is fascinating to me because we both knew marriage was in our near future!!!

Right after he proposed, we danced around in our kitchen for a few minutes and then popped open a bottle of wine to celebrate! We quickly face-timed both sets of parents and they were equally as excited. My parents live about a half hour away, so we jumped in the car, and went over to celebrate together! That night we ordered in from our favorite spot, made a blazing fire outside, and truly relished the moment. What an imperfectly perfect day, I will cherish these memories always.

A